in which: poetry

Crying

Crying only a little
bit is no use. You must cry
until your pillow is soaked!
Then you can get up and laugh.
Then you can jump in the shower
and splash-splash-splash!
Then you can throw open your window
and, "Ha ha! Ha ha!"
And if the people say, "Hey,
what's going on up there?"
"Ha ha!" sing back, "Happiness
was hiding in the last tear!
I wept it! Ha ha!"

Galway Kinnell

Thanks to Beth Hernandez so much for sharing this treasure of a poem with me! The night before she gave it to me, I was crying. And in the midst of it, detested that I couldn't just cry a little, but that it always insists on coming out blubbery and in rivers.

This poem was just what I needed.

I am
Olli

in which: i miss them already

My dear friend 

Ashley

~

My friend Ashley loves trees.

And going barefoot.

And is tremendously giving.

Ashley makes a great cup of tea or coffee.

My friend Ashley loves photography.

And people.

She loves books and reading and writing.

Ashley loves to create.

And live music.

She really loves Mr. James.

But mostly,

Ashley just loves.

Ashley just got accepted into Emerson College in Boston, you know.

So Ashley is moving.

~

Starting a new life with my ole friend Pierce.

In a little over a month she will be a Pierce.

And I'll be there to see it happen.

A glorious day in beautiful April, the day before I turn 23.

These wonderful, beautiful Californians.

Bittersweet never fit the bill more.

~

And yet, there is grand perk in all this.

(Aside from them following their dreams)

Ash & I are going to be pen pals.

For now... that will be enough.

I am

Olli

*all photography courtesy of facebook and ashley-diana.blogspot.com

in which: i am twenty two

"If you are twenty-two, physically fit, hungry to learn and be better, I urge you to travel - as far and as widely as possible. Sleep on the floor if you have to. Find out how other people live and eat and cook. Learn from them - wherever you go."

Anthony Bourdain

in which: meet shaun

This is Shaun.

He's Bill & Dorothy's dog. When I worked at a vet clinic an older couple brought him in saying they'd found him on the side of the road with another puppy. He was very sweet and obedient for an 8 mo. old dog. I told B&D about him and within a couple weeks, they brought him home. He's my buddy. He loves toys and walks and cuddling and jumping (I joke that he's Italian since his hardest habit to break has been using his front paws - jumping, playing & pawing at people.) He hates his crate. He has to wear a shock collar when he gets put up or else he yodels like a demon. I'm serious.

It'll make your eardrums burst.

Shaun when I first saw him.

Found a few awesome new blogs/websites today I thought I'd share.
The photography makes my eyes drool:

• Freckles & Ivory
• Home Edit
• That Kind Of Woman

I am

Olli

in which: i house-sit a lot

A drawing of myself
by myself.

Been house/ pet/ teen-sitting for almost a week now for a family who gives me cooking lessons. Tomorrow I will switch to house/pet-sitting for another family who will be in China for about three weeks. Whooo!! I like feeling like I have my own place. These are the events of the week so far -

Thursday-Day 1: Work. Pizza for dinner. Ashley comes over and we make Alina a banner. Teen2 said he got the mail but I discover it all over the front lawn around 11:30pm. He left it on the porch.

Friday-Day 2: Teen2 sets off alarm at 6am. Woman knocks on door around 9am to hand me Chase Bank Statement she found in the road. Work.  Get home and find another bill in the yard. Teen1spends night at friend's house. Make awesome chicken dinner. Talk to Teen2 about mail.

Saturday-Day 3: Go to early work meeting. Come back and Teen2 has disappeared. I text/call him, start to worry (even though he's probably at a neighbor's house). He comes home as I leave for work. Boyfriend stays at house. Work. Church. Teen1 spends night at friend's house. Teen2 is late and later tries to ditch church for hanging with friends. Mrs. Hernandez has a talk with him. Teen2 spends night at friend's house. Drink beer and watch tv/movies with Hernandai.

Sunday-Day 4: Breakfast with Hernandai. Work. Come home and make quesadillas for dinner. Teen2 doesn't feel well, eats soup, gets out of doing laundry and is sent to bed. Watch the Oscars. Teen1 gets home from date and tells story of how stranger paid for their dinner.

Monday-Day 5: Teen2 still feels sick but goes to school. 2 hours later school nurse calls to tell me Teen2 is not feeling well, but that he is also a frequent visitor and this is his 20th visit this year... he is sent back to class. Teen1 has work. Teen2 gets home and makes hot dogs saying he feels much better. "Ate a lot of dry food today." Eats 2 ice cream cones. Forgot to ask him about homework...

Today-Day 6: Teen2 sets off house alarm at 6am. Teens leave for school. Fiddle around on computer. Prepare lunch/dinner. Get ready for work - parents get home tomorrow.

Tomorrow night I will just be watching a dog and the house he lives in.
Till then!

I am
Olli

in which: i am encouraged

Photo by Shreve Stockton

I'm having a dreamer's kind of day. Especially considering I've been inside most of the day (although it's gorgeous out there). But somebody's gotta get this Spring cleaning done!

I feel like all I've read in the last month has had to do with gardening, farming, traveling. I'm reading Barnheart by Jenna Woginrich right now (I've mentioned her before - "Dreamer's Disease") and it is such a beautifully detailed memoir. In the first couple of chapters she recounts her move to Vermont and the time spent trying to find an ample location that would allow her to carry out some of the skills she'd acquired over the last year in homesteading - gardening, farming, raising livestock and the like. Finally, she finds a small rural home for rent on a few acres and although the land has not been cultivated or worked on in what looks like years, the possibilities seem endless and her excitement boundless.

"My eyes scanned the property, my mind gathering ideas. The open area around the cabin seemed to be about an acre, maybe slightly more. The clearing was surrounded by a windbreak of trees. I could hear the rushing of the cold creek that circled the property line. There was rat's nest of field fencing behind the shed, possibly used to hold leaves for composting at the edge of the woods. A few cinder blocks were stacked by an old woodpile. I could already imagine a hive of bees swarming there, happily buzzing, their legs heavy with yellow pollen. I sharply inhaled a lungful of cold air, and Jazz (my dog) looked up at me as if something were wrong. "Good Christ..." I realized aloud, "this place is going to change everything."  Barnheart - Jenna Woginrich

Oh, how I long for this.
I remember begging my parents if we could live on a place with property. Just an acre even. Could we have chickens? A chicken?? A donkey? Something?! I would tape sheets of copy paper together, making a giant poster of sorts, and draw a small country home with a barn and chickens and a garden, a donkey, a big brown pig, dogs, cats, you name it! I went through a phase of only shopping at Western Wear stores. I wore my Mom's boots and bought men's flannel shirts from Goodwill, took riding lessons from a neighbor's daughter who had not one but three horses and borrowed all her Phantom Stallion books. Every time I'd ask my Dad for any of these things he'd get excited with me and always answer with an emphatic,"YES!" or "Of course we can!" Eventually though it became apparent that none of these promises were going to come true. I became frustrated over his empty promises and bitterly wished he would just tell me NO verses filling my heart with false hope. "Maybe when you get married you can do all these things", my mother would say. "Married?! That won't be for forever! Like in 30 YEARS!" I'd exclaim, exasperated by the thought of it.

But you know, things have changed. And I guess it didn't take 30 years to meet someone after all (hehe). God is moving. He's changing our perspective and giving us new hope everyday. Many of my dreams are the same, I still want a donkey. I want a family. I want to learn how to make the most out of the land my God has created, the passions he's instilled in me. It puts a smile on my face to think of Him, before I was born, in the psalm of His hand, excitedly and carefully putting me together. Getting creative: "Let's give her... green eyes! And an acute sense of hearing. She'll love to sing and have this bothersome interest in handling powerful birds. Also, an intense compassion for others and a needy desire for wanting to be held a lot. And tomatoes, she'll love tomatoes." Maybe it didn't go quite like that. But I have fun thinking that it might have gone something akin to it. For now, it's back to vacuuming.

And daydreaming.

Photo by Cassoday Harder

I am

Olli

in which: we are SO going

I can hardly contain how psyched I am to go to this. Dave Matthews, Jack White, Wilco, Flaming Lips, Gogol Bordello, Young the Giant, Alabama Shakes, Dr. Dog, M. WARD!! SWITCHFOOT!! And the list will get longer my friends... oh yes. They just added the Chili Peppers a few days ago. Tickets (of course) of pricey, but we've never paid to get into anything like this before, and with so many of our favorites performing - how can we NOT go?? Worst case scenario is if we don't go, we can sell them later, because believe me... it's a matter of when they sell out, not if.

Now I just need to pray that M. Ward and Jon Foreman don't go on at the same time. That would kill me. And I don't know how I'm gonna leave w/o a couple T-shirts or posters. Lord... make a way!

I am

Olli