"What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don't want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don't want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you."
I am getting to know my Father in a whole new light recently.
He is a force through which miracles are not only possible ~ but are HAPPENING.
I'm learning how to pray, how to seek first His kingdom, how to act on the faith He instills in me.
I had no idea what that looked like a few days ago. "Ok, 'seek first the kingdom' - NOW WHAT??"
Some things really are as simple as asking though. I realize now how often I sit and wonder and dwell on how to do something, over analyze it, stress about it, worry over it until... it's just easier to forget about it.
Change is hard. "The Kingdom" sounds scary sometimes... so foreign. Sometimes I wish for the ignorance of a child; my conscience would feel so much better if I just didn't know about certain things. And yet, the books in bag this moment are about starving children in Africa and another on discovering a a life not under or even for God - but WITH God.
I can't make myself close my eyes.
I can't rewrite a different upbringing.
I can't erase the terrible mistakes I've made.
But I can say, "What do you have for us today, Papa?"
I can pray for the lonely and hurting and fatherless.
I can lay hands on the sick.
And the thing is, I don't have to be good at it for to matter!
What I can accomplish was never the point, but my merely making myself available ~ THAT is where miracles are born. I am an ordinary, white and westernized human being. I grew up in a household with a screaming father and fearful mother. I have "been in love" way too many times for it to be true, never make time for exercise and cuss a lot. I'm not that different than a lot of girls I know.
God doesn't require for anything about us to be perfect, unique or clean.
By saying, "Here I am. Show me how. Show me where. I am willing. I will go." Within the heart of man and the love of God is where the world changes.
God: such a funny, wild, relentless and wondrous lover.
Perhaps what has been reawakened in me lately is something I knew as a child...
Forgive me dear friends! I have neglected you too long. The Christmas season is in full swing and if I'm not working, I'm either shopping for gifts or cleaning. I must say that the shopping feels a little easier this year and I think I have Pinterest to thank. Also, I'm trying to do more handmade gifts as well. Yay!
I've a candlestick burning a pair of cozy, striped socks on finally. A cold front blew in last night and I am oh so thankful. About time Texas!! I'm hoping it lasts through till Christmas. Usually "Winter" occurs about the time of New Years and through January. Sure wish we had snow though...
~
Thanksgiving with the Etheredges (babe's family) was so fun! Black Friday was my favorite part. Yes there was shopping, but mostly for the fun time I spent with Vanessa & Hannah, Peanut's sisters. Lots of laughing, hunting & coffee. We literally shopped for like 12 hours. Vanessa & I spent 3 hours at World Market alone! We also got to see some precious friends, like Shaffer, Travis, Jim & his daughters.
I love the people in Mobile.
~
As far getting to see AW during our stop in Houston... well, once again, it just didn't work out. Waa! She was planning on leaving that weekend to go be with her family in Pasadena for Thanksgiving. But as we were driving there, she had to leave rather suddenly for Pasadena rightthen. We were sad. But the letters continue and our friendship remains strong. Oh how I would love to see her though!
~
As for Christmas, it looks like I shall be spending it here between the A's and my grandparents. Perhaps even the Hernandez's. Peanutty will be driving back to Bama... is it terrible that it makes me a tiny bit happy he'll be sad without me? I may even be able to fit in a letter while he's away! I so love writing to him :)
~
Well, it's off to dreamland for me. Need to be up early for coffee with Renata. PLUS - the date is 12/12/12! So many people are going to get married today. This day will never happen again... but then I guess everyday is like that.
~
GOD, YOU ARE SO GOOD TO US!! WE LOVE YOU & PRAISE YOU FOR THE WORK ARE DOING IN US, FOR THE LIFE YOU GAVE FOR US & FOR THE REMINDER OF ALL WE'VE BEEN GIVEN... YOU ARE PRECIOUS & HOLY & LOVED. THANK YOU THAT WE ARE THAT IMAGE TO YOU AS WELL. MAY YOUR JOY ABOUND IN THIS SEASON & THROUGH ALL SEASONS!! HELP US TO SEE BEYOND OURSELVES & OUR OWN DESIRES. SHOW US HOW TO SEEK FIRST YOUR KINGDOM IN ALL WE DO, THROUGHOUT THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES. WE LOVE YOU, ABBA.
