in which: i need a break

I'm not sure why it's so hard for me to stick to daily goals. Habits have always been the hardest thing for me to try to build. Bad habits? Super easy to form, like without even trying. Good habits or habits that help me accomplish things? Hellooooo procrastination! It's so easy to get distracted and want to waste time on things that won't get me anywhere. Then later, I come down on myself or worry about all the things I want to do with my life and stare in fear as the time passes and I don't get any closer.

I'm sick of it.

I think I need a sabbatical of some sort. I think I need to lose Wall-E for a while (my laptop). More than that though, I think I need God and that I need to just make a decision. ANY DECISION. If it's in my heart - do it. No more fear of the time it will take to accomplish it or the money it will take to get there. Just pick something and trust God to meet me in the midst of it and trust that He will provide. 

"Don't give up on your dreams because of the time it will take to accomplish them. 

The time will pass anyway."  

Earl Nightingale

Not that I've been very good at keeping up with blog anyway, but I think I may disappear for a while. I'm not sure for how long and I'm not sure entirely what all I'll be cutting out of my life that has been such a distraction, but much of it has been my addiction to aimlessly surfing the web. Facebook and Pinterest mainly, but also blog surfing too. I need a break. My future depends on it. I want to rekindle the passions that are in me for a reason and actually begin to DO things. SEE things, BECOME things, EXPERIENCE things. 

It's about time.

I am

Olivia

in which: this is the art i live

It took me most of the day to decide what I wanted to write about as the art I live. The more I thought about it though, when I think of how God reveals himself in my day to day life, it's so obvious.

Sharing.

I love sharing myself with people. Especially women.

I love the build up of a great story.

Memories of the past are so vivid... it's like I'm standing in my childhood home again. Reliving the pain of this break-up or the laughter of that hilarious road trip. The skip in my spirit the day we met...

I love the instant bond a story can seal between those who share a similar experience.

For all the years I felt alone in situations with my family, ex-boyfriends, school... it was so astonishing for me to eventually discover how many people had lived, or were living the same things I did. It was like the more I shared, the more people began to come out of the woodwork in opening up about their own experiences.

Things I was once so ashamed of and didn't dare whisper... have turned out to be the things my friends have most benefited from hearing. I feel like God has set me on this mission of helping the world see,

you are not alone.

The need to share flows out of me like a songbird bursting with glorious song. 

May it never leave me.

And may the Father of Lights never cease to meet me where I am.

Where we are.

I am

Olli

*post inspired by Emily Freeman and her amazing work at Chatting At The Sky*

Michael & MariKate Wilson

Nearly two months later! Although to be fair, the wedding pics were only recently posted.

Sleepy Hollow Farm

The wedding party! 14 bridesmaids & 14 groomsmen!

This was an ALL OUT wedding, folks. The feast, the catering service, the props and decor, the band, the millions of tiny tea light candles adorning every available surface... (and yes, that is a small canoe loaded down with fresh shrimp from the gulf).

Ya'll, Mike & Marikate set out to thoroughly bless their friends and family. As we waited for the wedding party to finish with photos, I meandered through hay bale after hay bale that had been adorned with fine cheeses, deli meats & fruit - on top of catering staff offering delectable, silver-trayed appetizers every few minutes! Peanut's Mom made the rounds of introducing me to close family friends, the food was incredible, including this bubbling pot of cheesey grits at the end of the line they were dishing out into hollowed plastic martini glasses. Now, I have never been the biggest fan of grits (essentially mushy cornmeal), but lord have mercy... not only did I lick that glass clean, but I found a shish kabob stick and dug out the remnants of what had fallen into the stem of the hollowed martini glass... Somebody baptize me and call me a convert!

There was a live band and boy, did that woman have some pipes! They were a prime example of why I have always wanted live music at my wedding. They had contagious personality and pzazz and got even the most reluctant of dancers (*ahem*...Peanut) to get up and tap their toes. 

The ceremony itself was gorgeous and I'll admit, I got a little weepy when I saw Michael openly crying and covering his face as Marikate walked down the aisle. During communion a few of the groomsmen got up and played a song, a light breeze passed through the branches of the tree they were married under and I sat comfortably between Peanut's mother & sister, Hannah. And even though there were so many in attendance who did not know me... I was part of a family. I belonged right there between those two beautiful women. If there was anything God shed light on during that trip, it was that I have found a family in the Etheredges. 

And that grits and I can be friends now :)

I am

Olli

in which: i make a discovery!

A couple of weeks ago I was certified as Texas Master Naturalist, and today, I made my first exciting discovery as one: four adolescent Nine-Banded Armadillos!!

I wasn't able to snatch a pic of all four together as these little buggers were quite fast! They were adorable though as they rooted around sniffing and digging around for roots, earth worms and other insects. I could even hear their munching from beneath the shrubbery, just outside my residence. 

I got up close and tentatively pet one's soft leathery back (shhhhh), but he quickly spun around and began sniffing the air for what had touched him. The little fella sniffed the ground and looking up, made out my vague shadow against the sun (Armadillos are mostly blind) and with that, charged toward me! It freaked me out a little and I let out a yelp as I stumbled backward, knocking over my drink and tote bag I had set down. The sound of my cup scared him, so he turned around and darted into a bush, resuming his digging and rooting. It was quite hilarious actually. I don't know what I thought he would do, but I have never seen live Armadillos before and his boldness startled me. And it's strange that I have lived in Texas nearly my entire life and never seen a live Armadillo -- the state mammal. Although, in my defense, they usually only come out at night and are commonly called the "Texas Speed Bump" for blindly wandering into the streets at night and appearing the next day, dead along the roads. 

It's heartwarming however, to see that these precious leather-backs are adapting in this urban area, despite encroachment on their native habitat and loss of natural resources. 

>>>><<<<

In other news, much has changed in the last month. As I mentioned before, I have moved in with Rin & Alycia and am loving both getting to know them better and my new surroundings. I graduated from the Texas Master Naturalist Program!! Although if I want to remain certified, I must finish out my 40 hours of Volunteer Service this year. Also, I graduated from Talent Bench, that leadership series I was taking at work, and now, have applied for a Supervisor position! Exciting, but I am also a little nervous of the responsibility to follow -- I will keep you posted! 

Speaking of work, Peanut is on the job hunt again. He has begun looking around other cities and possibly, even other states. It's a huge step of faith and big risk on his part. It all makes me a little nervous to be honest... What if he moves? How long will he be gone? What does this mean for marriage plans? Engagement plans? Will I move?? WHAT IS GOD SAYING IN THE MIDST OF ALL THIS???

It's a lot to process through, and yes, it's put some strain on our relationship. Yet still, I am sure of God's promise that we will be married, that he is the one, that this is part of His plan. 

I'm not afraid of the things I was when I was a child.
I'm not afraid I'll end up in a trapped marriage to someone I thought I knew. I'm not afraid to make mistakes.  I'm not afraid that Father doesn't hear me. And I am definitely, not afraid to love.
Things are changing. And it's a funny comparison, but I almost feel like Pocahontas standing on a ledge, with the winds of change swirling about me, yet firm in who I am and the future ahead of me.

I have a peace that surpasses understanding.
And because of this, I'm content with where I am, where I'm going and in the One who is leading us there.

I am
Olli

in which: i'm holding onto hope

Lately I have a craving to spend more time with God. I want to be near Him and to share him and to be the Light. I feel sad when I think of the way I spend my time and how lazy it really is. I work and work and work but... what am I working toward? I'm not saving much. But I don't want to be about money. I want to be about... more. 

more.

I want my family to know I care about them. I want to help My Love better. I want to be a better friend. I just want to be a better version of myself. Sometimes I feel exhausted and feel so stretched thin. And then a customer at work will come in and say,"Yes, I am tired too. I'm a full-time medical student and mother and I work." And I'll feel so guilty because I get tired over working 7 hours a day and cleaning a house in exchange for rent and... hanging out with my boyfriend? Do I even have the right to say I'm tired? I know I shouldn't compare myself. All our lives are different and God calls us to different things. 

God, today I need the hope that is You. 

That you do have a future and hope for me.

That You will see me through all the days of my life.

That not just some things, but ALL things are possible because You 

love us.

Amen.

I am

Olli

in which: dreams do come true

Changed the header in light of Spring around the corner. I love the peaches on there since I've picked it as my new "flavor of the season". It's something I started doing last year, and kind of own little way of getting myself to try new flavors of things I wouldn't normally pick. Last year was grapefruit and now it is peach, thanks to the inspiring and deliciously smelling new lotion I got from work! Seriously you guys, the smell of this lotion is like biting into a ripe, juicy, freshly picked peach.

Speaking of work; I got that promotion last week!! Yeeeeaaahhh!!! I also got accepted into a leadership series called Talent Bench for work aaaaannndddd *drum roll please*.....

I got accepted into the Texas Master Naturalist Certification Program!!!!

OMG!!!

It has been a life long dream to become a Naturalist: a person who studies or is an expert in the natural sciences, such as botany, mineralogy, ornithology, etc. Anyone, really, can be a self taught naturalist, as I have been. But now I will be on my way to becoming certified, meeting fellow naturalists in my area and learning about others categories of nature I am less familiar with. For the majority of my studying, I have been more or less an expert on Wildlife. Now through a series of classes over the next few weeks my knowledge will be expanded toward facts on minerals, fish, reptiles and more. 

SO. EXCITED.

This is literally one of my dreams becoming a reality.

Don't let anyone tell you you're dreams won't come true!!

From reading My Side Of The Mountain in 6th grade... to my first time getting to hold a Falcon, to learning their sport, to now... learning how to help them survive in their natural habitat & educating people on how they can help.

LIFE IS AMAZING.

I am

Olli

in which: i can't make myself

I am getting to know my Father in a whole new light recently.

He is a force through which miracles are not only possible ~ but are HAPPENING.

I'm learning how to pray, how to seek first His kingdom, how to act on the faith He instills in me.

I had no idea what that looked like a few days ago. "Ok, 'seek first the kingdom' - NOW WHAT??"

Some things really are as simple as asking though. I realize now how often I sit and wonder and dwell on how to do something, over analyze it, stress about it, worry over it until... it's just easier to forget about it. 

Change is hard. "The Kingdom" sounds scary sometimes... so foreign. Sometimes I wish for the ignorance of a child; my conscience would feel so much better if I just didn't know about certain things. And yet, the books in bag this moment are about starving children in Africa and another on discovering a a life not under or even for God - but WITH God. 

I can't make myself close my eyes.

I can't rewrite a different upbringing.

I can't erase the terrible mistakes I've made.

But I can say, "What do you have for us today, Papa?"

I can pray for the lonely and hurting and fatherless. 

I can lay hands on the sick.

And the thing is, I don't have to be good at it for to matter!

What I can accomplish was never the point, but my merely making myself available ~ THAT is where miracles are born. I am an ordinary, white and westernized human being. I grew up in a household with a screaming father and fearful mother. I have "been in love" way too many times for it to be true, never make time for exercise and cuss a lot. I'm not that different than a lot of girls I know. 

God doesn't require for anything about us to be perfect, unique or clean.

By saying, "Here I am. Show me how. Show me where. I am willing. I will go." Within the heart of man and the love of God is where the world changes. 

God: such a funny, wild, relentless and wondrous lover. 

 Perhaps what has been reawakened in me lately is something I knew as a child...

I forgot... He was my friend. 

(this movie changed my life)

I am

Olivia

in which: it is 12/12/12

Forgive me dear friends! I have neglected you too long. The Christmas season is in full swing and if I'm not working, I'm either shopping for gifts or cleaning. I must say that the shopping feels a little easier this year and I think I have Pinterest to thank. Also, I'm trying to do more handmade gifts as well. Yay!

I've a candlestick burning a pair of cozy, striped socks on finally. A cold front blew in last night and I am oh so thankful. About time Texas!! I'm hoping it lasts through till Christmas. Usually "Winter" occurs about the time of New Years and through January. Sure wish we had snow though...

~

Thanksgiving with the Etheredges (babe's family) was so fun! Black Friday was my favorite part. Yes there was shopping, but mostly for the fun time I spent with Vanessa & Hannah, Peanut's sisters. Lots of laughing, hunting & coffee. We literally shopped for like 12 hours. Vanessa & I spent 3 hours at World Market alone! We also got to see some precious friends, like Shaffer, Travis, Jim & his daughters.

I love the people in Mobile.

~

As far getting to see AW during our stop in Houston... well, once again, it just didn't work out. Waa! She was planning on leaving that weekend to go be with her family in Pasadena for Thanksgiving. But as we were driving there, she had to leave rather suddenly for Pasadena right then. We were sad. But the letters continue and our friendship remains strong. Oh how I would love to see her though!

~

As for Christmas, it looks like I shall be spending it here between the A's and my grandparents. Perhaps even the Hernandez's. Peanutty will be driving back to Bama... is it terrible that it makes me a tiny bit happy he'll be sad without me? I may even be able to fit in a letter while he's away! I so love writing to him :) 

~

Well, it's off to dreamland for me. Need to be up early for coffee with Renata. PLUS - the date is 12/12/12! So many people are going to get married today. This day will never happen again... but then I guess everyday is like that. 

~

GOD, YOU ARE SO GOOD TO US!! WE LOVE YOU & PRAISE YOU FOR THE WORK ARE DOING IN US, FOR THE LIFE YOU GAVE FOR US & FOR THE REMINDER OF ALL WE'VE BEEN GIVEN... YOU ARE PRECIOUS & HOLY & LOVED. THANK YOU THAT WE ARE THAT IMAGE TO YOU AS WELL. MAY YOUR JOY ABOUND IN THIS SEASON & THROUGH ALL SEASONS!! HELP US TO SEE BEYOND OURSELVES & OUR OWN DESIRES. SHOW US HOW TO SEEK FIRST YOUR KINGDOM IN ALL WE DO, THROUGHOUT THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES. WE LOVE YOU, ABBA.

amen.

I am

Olli

in which: we will overcome

Been feeling kind of like this lately...

Still truckin though. Drinking Emergen-C like it's going out of style & gettin better since Dori's been feeding me Advil. Grasping the hang of things at Whole Foods and have one week left at Hastings. Beth is doing better and starts her first big day of Physical Therapy today! Meals and childcare are being worked out and I'll be glad to have more time to contribute once I'm back to working one job again. 

If you'd like to keep up with her progress, here is a link to the site Thomas (her husband/my pastor)is updating just about everyday:

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/bethhernandez/?ref=nl

~

I've been having strange dreams. Not scary, but frustrating. I think it's the fever and perhaps the Lord telling me something. Speaking of fever, I really need to go shower. Sweated through the night and now I'm all sticky! In other (more exciting) news, 

Fall is (mostly) here!!

More pumpkins

More hawk sightings 

More color

More FOOD!

God is so good. He turns all the bad into triumphant, glorious stories. I will get better, Fall will come, the worlds will keep turning, we will all keep breathing & Beth will walk again.

We will overcome.

Let our souls praise Him.

I am

Olli

in which: i have a job i jump out of bed for

Has it been a while or what?! Been so busy with my two jobs, moving in and sleep in between. Ah... sleep. So precious recently. Had orientation & register training for Whole Foods last week and let me tell ya...

IT. WAS. AWESOME!

I've never been a part of a company that was so FOR their customers. Some of their policies are just crazy their so cool. "This item isn't showing up in our system, no problem - it's on us! You have six of these you say? Great - their still free!" There's such an enthusiasm for people, our community and environment & loving what you do. And they value us (the employees) just as much as their customers. They kept reiterating that we were the cream of the crop and how important we were to this mission. 700+ people applied to this store; 400 got interviews and 168 were hired.

I feel so blessed.

Great discount, awesome food, free outdoor concerts, supporting local farms, supporting people in other countries and in my community... what more could a country girl ask for?

I feel my time at the book store may be coming to an end...

I am

Olli

{ps}

Finished Barnheart today. Been a while since I completed a book... felt great :)

in which: i embark on a new chapter

Decided to clean up the ole blog. Too many colors (looks good in my room; too busy on a website) and too much going on in the margins. For now, I've given up on the Book Challenge I gave myself years ago (refer to my old blog for details). I decided that I want to read because I love books and stories, not because of some pressure to get through a list or so that people will be impressed. I'm over the silliness of it. Also, I think I was putting a little too much focus on the appearance of this whole thing, rather than the content.

Anyway, today I'm moving to a new home. I'm off to live with my good friends Buck & Dori! This Summer I have been on a mission to find an apartment. It began with looking with Alycia, to looking with her & Rin & Sam. Anyway, personally, it went from fun to frustrating to... nervous? I was still on board even with my uneasiness and concerns. I told God that my life was in His hands and that until He made it obvious that He had other plans for me, I was committed to these girls.

So a couple of weeks ago, I went to have dinner at the A's house (Buck & Dori's). We were in the living room watching Storage Wars (a favorite of Buck's... not of mine lol) and they were asking how the the search was going. I've kept them updated throughout the Summer and continually things kept changing or decisions were being made for me. And I wasn't unhappy with things, just nervous about the insecurity of them. So by the end of the night, Dori took me aside, giddy with the news, and said she and Buck had discussed it and wanted to extend me the offer of coming to live with them! I of course said YES and felt it was answer my from God. He made it clear.

RARELY ON TIME, BUT NEVER TOO LATE!!

So although I have virtually nothing packed, today I will move as much as I can and perhaps by tonight I will rest my head in a new place, with a new family... in a new chapter for Olli Odom.

I am
Olli

in which: andrew would say...

Rereading and reflecting on Blue Like Jazz this morning. I don't think I will ever grow tired of the contents within this book... 

Earlier this week, we received 4 copies of the film on DVD & Blu-Ray at work; and I was sweeping up after we closed last night, a smile crept across my face as I looked up to find that all were checked out. 

Don talks about his friends Andrew the Protester and how he doesn't believe in empty passion; that what you DO signifies what you believe, not what you say. 

Jesus said to feed the poor. Andrew understands this as we should go and directly feed the poor ourselves. So every Sunday, Andrew sets up a make shift kitchen on a sidewalk and makes breakfast for the homeless. He sits and talks with them and if they want to pray, he prays with them. 

This is beautiful.

"Andrew would say that dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something, Andrew would say, is the hard thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory or recognition. We live for what we believe, Andrew would say."
-Blue Like Jazz

Father... could I know this kind of passion?

I am

Olli

in which: we room and we wait

Well, the answer to previous question ended up being no kitten after all. The day I was going to go buy him, I found out that Alycia & I weren't getting the apartment we wanted (they had jacked the price up $60 a mo. just as went to sign). BUT, that same day Alycia informed me of a friend of hers that was looking for roommates. And then there were three :) As the Lord would have it though, she has many allergies - one being cats. So that was that, I got my answer. But I am so much happier to have Rin (new girl) and a better apartment in exchange!

Rin 

So we found another place and find out today if we get approved or not for it. It's a 2bed/2bath in a really nice complex but definitely a higher price. Which is why Alycia found Sam - our newest future roomie.

Sam

And then there were FOUR! Olli, Alycia, Rin & Sam. 

Rin also discovered a great condo that I would be psyched to do if we don't get approved for this apt.

We shall see by the end of ze day.

I am
Olli

in which: there were animals & gifts & rain

Feels so good to sink back into this luscious bed again. It's been along month of house & pet-sitting. And it's not over yet! I'll be off to pet-sit for my good friend Lisa on the 11th for a few days. For now though, I'm  enjoying the break - and today being my day off doesn't hurt either.

This last week I sat for my good friends Buck & Dori Adkison, whom I go to church with. They were off in sunshiney California while I stayed to care for their cat & dog (the Muppets, as I've taken to calling them).

Zion 

&

Checkers

Zion is a crazy spunky little Shih-Tzu who loves his walks and licking Bucks toes at the end of the day (ew). Checkers is a fat, sweet old girl who will cry relentlessly until her dish is filled but loves being scratched on her back & belly. They're a fun pair :)

I picked up the fam (Buck, Dori, Chris-16 & Jamie-13) Sunday night at 12:30am - drove Buck's monster diesel truck all the way to the airport. We were all exhausted the next morning but I was greeted with coffee and a warm Dori hug (the best) and later we watched an episode of the awesome show, An Idiot Abroad. 

And check out the critters Dori got me!! They are mosaic and beautiful and perfect. She said they had other frogs sitting in various positions but then she saw this one with the crazy leg stickin out and thought, "Yep, there's Olli!" She also gave me this killer satchel bag that I've been using all day. I feel so spoiled!

And to top it off, we finally got some rain last night. Some real, crashing thunder, lightening show rain.

God is so good :)

I am

Olli

in which: he's rarely early but never too late

So I decided to work another day at the cafe yesterday (a day over my two weeks notice). I thought about blowing them off, but I felt like God wanted me to humble myself and just help them out. So I did. 

Anyway, we have several regulars that come through the drive-thru every morning. One of them is Jennifer and her two little boys (aka) two large mocha frappes, one with whip, one without, both with chocolate drizzle. I don't even take her order anymore. Once I hear her kids through the ear piece I just say,"Morning Jen! Pull around!" so we have a little longer to chat at the window. Her husband also comes sometimes on his way to work and overall they've always seemed like a really sweet family. I've even wished I had an excuse to get to know them better, but we're usually too busy for me to really think of anything.

SO! Yesterday, Jen and the boys stop by and she updates me on how her move is going (they are switching to a new house in their neighborhood). So I asked her where she lives and where should that be but...   the neighborhood just across from where I go to church. "Oh wow, I go to church over there", I tell her. And this is very interesting to her because of course, they've been looking for a church... 

I invited she and her family to stop by sometime and we switched information. And maybe nothing will come of this or maybe something grand will but overall I felt so freaking good about it! Here I was thinking that me working here was just a mistake and obviously wasn't the Lord... but what a blind fool I have been... And here I wasn't even supposed to work yesterday! 
I've never been more excited to be wrong.




I am
Olli

in which: the world needs people that come alive

It doesn't interest me what you do for a living

I want to know what you ache for
and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.

It doesn't interest me how old you are
I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool
for love
for your dreams
for the adventure of being alive.

It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon...
I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow
if you have been opened by life's betrayals
or have become shrivelled and closed
from fear of further pain.

I want to know if you can sit with pain
mine or your own
without moving to hide it
or fade it
or fix it.

I want to know if you can be with joy
mine or your own
if you can dance with wildness
and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your
fingers and toes
without cautioning us to
be careful
be realistic
to remember the limitations of being human.

It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.

If you can bear the accusation of betrayal

and not betray your own soul.

If you can be faithless

and therefore trustworthy.

I want to know if you can see Beauty

even when it is not pretty

every day.

And if you can source your own life

from its presence.

I want to know if you can live with failure

yours and mine

and still stand on the edge of the lake

and shout to the silver of the full moon,

"Yes."

It doesn't interest me

to know where you live or how much money you have.

I want to know if you can get up

after a night of grief and despair

weary and bruised to the bone

and do what needs to be done

to feed the children.

It doesn't interest me who you know

or how you came to be here.

I want to know if you will stand

in the center of the fire

with me

and not shrink back.

It doesn't interest me where or what or with whom

you have studied.

I want to know what sustains you

from the inside

when all else falls away.

I want to know if you can be alone

with yourself

and if you truly like the company you keep

in the empty moments.

© 1995 by Oriah House, From "Dreams Of Desire"

in which: the darkness trembles

I've struggled this week.

~

In the words of dear Lois,

"It sounds like you need courage."

And I do.

It's been hard to pin point that fact... for years, really. I need courage for so many things. The courage to go to school; find a job that I'm not just settling for. The courage, dare I say it, to get married? 

The courage to take responsibility for myself.

That's what it's time for.

That, and allowing for God to really show me what He is truly capable of.

~

"I am above nothing." "Things could be so much worse." 

&

"Because there is a God, things will always get better."

~

These are mottoes I've lived by my entire life. And to an extent, they've gotten me through. I have worked just about anywhere that would hire me. I've done everything from getting paid to pick up dog crap to running my own department on a film set. I've also served hundreds of cups of coffee and washed probably thousands of dishes. 

So what's the sudden issue?

I started doing these things (minus the film set gig) when I was 18. Now, I'm 23 and I was just washing dishes yesterday, at a cafe, paying me part time minimum wage.

*vomit*

Maybe this shouldn't bother me as much as it does. I was still humble enough to accept it a month ago when I was interviewed on the spot. I'm not sure how to make this sound like I'm not ungrateful. Because God knows- I AM! Work is hard to find right now. But you know what, it isn't for my Father. And I just feel like these last near 6 years have flown by and I'm in the same(ish) spot I was when I started. 

Granted, my heart has changed. My preferences, views & experiences have all changed. 

But I'm ready to move on now. 

I'm not 18 anymore and I have a say in where my life is headed.

EIGHTEEN

-living with other people

-not in school

-earning minimum wage

-no licence

-no car

-no boyfriend

-not in church

TWENTY THREE

-living with other people

-not in school

-earning minimum wage

-licence and insurance

-awesome car

-dating the man I'm going to marry

-attending the best church I've ever been a part of

So some things are definitely going right. Important things, thankfully. 

And I believe God is looking to bless me even further this year. 

I feel a shift in my spirit ~ like it's time for school. At the very least, like it's time to up the annie. Time for a job that will help me in the direction of my dreams.

It's a good feeling :)

I am

Olli

{ps}

This has made my life a lot easier today. I usually use any ole scrap laying around but that usually gets lost or thrown away. Not to say that this one won't too, but download it for free anyway! To-Do List created by A Pair of Pears.com

in which: i'm missin my baby

I am a blessed woman.

My Father heard my heart, my whispered prayers, my longing desires...

Because of this man, I now know a whole new side of God's love,

and I'm so much better because of it.

I love you without knowing how, or when, or from where;
I love straightforwardly, without complexities or pride;

so I love you because I know no other way. 
than this; where I does not exits; nor you. 
so close you hand on my chest is my hand, 
so close your eyes close as I fall asleep.
-Pablo Neruda

Ashley showed me this poem.
I love her for that.
~

Peanut's out of town.
Feels like the long distance days.

~

Lift my lover's head, Father.

Impart your tender mercies.

Remind him who is is.

~

Right before I met him, I remember thinking,

"God, I don't just want someone who serves you...

I want someone who really LOVES you."

And one day long after we'd met, during a prayer, he ended it with, "We love you, Lord. We really do."

I almost cried.

I am

Olli

in which: imma scrub me a tub

I keep putting off cleaning this afternoon... I really must clean my bathroom though. At least!

Things I would like to accomplish:

• Clean bathroom
• Vacuum upstairs - at least my room
• Consider buying a waste basket from Lois... there is a lot of trash in my room
• Shelving my books
• Wash towels
• Hang up clothes
• Wash sheets
• Make my bed
• Wash Ohana & clean her out
• Water my garden... what's left of it
• Write Peanut
• Take a shower
• Do my nails... I might put this at the top of the list.

Recently, I have been helping my friend, Lois, go through all her belongings (particularly in the garage) as she prepares to move to a new place this Summer. This morning her neighborhood had a garage sale (or allowed for residents to hold garage sales, rather), so an early morning we had! It was fun though and we just chatted and chatted, drank our coffee, greeted neighbors and haggled over prices. She worked hard for such an aged beauty! 

I guess you are as young as you feel.

Me, our friend Ana & Lois
2010

The conversation was the best part for me. It always is. Lois has such a great sense of humor and freedom to me. Her husband, the late Dow Robinson, was an incredible man. He gave the most insightful and inspiring messages... I really miss him some days. He passed in late October. More on him & Lois' history later.

But after all the hullabaloo this morning, she told me, "Don't try and tackle all that cleaning at once. Clean your bathroom; then you've accomplished something. Then be done with it and let yourself REST!" 

She may be onto something...

Anyway, semi-falling asleep here.

I think my toilet's calling.

I am

Olli

update.

No word on Jess yet... Humane Society is supposed to keep me updated but I'll probably end up calling tomorrow. I know we'd probably get along fine without her but, truth be told, I miss her.
God, give her sweet sleep tonight & help her to not be afraid. 

In other news, Civil Disobedience has come to an end. I am waiting for an email that will declare the winners! I already know who won the Grand Prize - but there is hope yet for at least a signed book! We'll see :)

More in the days to follow.

I am

Olli