in which: i make a discovery!

A couple of weeks ago I was certified as Texas Master Naturalist, and today, I made my first exciting discovery as one: four adolescent Nine-Banded Armadillos!!

I wasn't able to snatch a pic of all four together as these little buggers were quite fast! They were adorable though as they rooted around sniffing and digging around for roots, earth worms and other insects. I could even hear their munching from beneath the shrubbery, just outside my residence. 

I got up close and tentatively pet one's soft leathery back (shhhhh), but he quickly spun around and began sniffing the air for what had touched him. The little fella sniffed the ground and looking up, made out my vague shadow against the sun (Armadillos are mostly blind) and with that, charged toward me! It freaked me out a little and I let out a yelp as I stumbled backward, knocking over my drink and tote bag I had set down. The sound of my cup scared him, so he turned around and darted into a bush, resuming his digging and rooting. It was quite hilarious actually. I don't know what I thought he would do, but I have never seen live Armadillos before and his boldness startled me. And it's strange that I have lived in Texas nearly my entire life and never seen a live Armadillo -- the state mammal. Although, in my defense, they usually only come out at night and are commonly called the "Texas Speed Bump" for blindly wandering into the streets at night and appearing the next day, dead along the roads. 

It's heartwarming however, to see that these precious leather-backs are adapting in this urban area, despite encroachment on their native habitat and loss of natural resources. 

>>>><<<<

In other news, much has changed in the last month. As I mentioned before, I have moved in with Rin & Alycia and am loving both getting to know them better and my new surroundings. I graduated from the Texas Master Naturalist Program!! Although if I want to remain certified, I must finish out my 40 hours of Volunteer Service this year. Also, I graduated from Talent Bench, that leadership series I was taking at work, and now, have applied for a Supervisor position! Exciting, but I am also a little nervous of the responsibility to follow -- I will keep you posted! 

Speaking of work, Peanut is on the job hunt again. He has begun looking around other cities and possibly, even other states. It's a huge step of faith and big risk on his part. It all makes me a little nervous to be honest... What if he moves? How long will he be gone? What does this mean for marriage plans? Engagement plans? Will I move?? WHAT IS GOD SAYING IN THE MIDST OF ALL THIS???

It's a lot to process through, and yes, it's put some strain on our relationship. Yet still, I am sure of God's promise that we will be married, that he is the one, that this is part of His plan. 

I'm not afraid of the things I was when I was a child.
I'm not afraid I'll end up in a trapped marriage to someone I thought I knew. I'm not afraid to make mistakes.  I'm not afraid that Father doesn't hear me. And I am definitely, not afraid to love.
Things are changing. And it's a funny comparison, but I almost feel like Pocahontas standing on a ledge, with the winds of change swirling about me, yet firm in who I am and the future ahead of me.

I have a peace that surpasses understanding.
And because of this, I'm content with where I am, where I'm going and in the One who is leading us there.

I am
Olli

in which: i'm holding onto hope

Lately I have a craving to spend more time with God. I want to be near Him and to share him and to be the Light. I feel sad when I think of the way I spend my time and how lazy it really is. I work and work and work but... what am I working toward? I'm not saving much. But I don't want to be about money. I want to be about... more. 

more.

I want my family to know I care about them. I want to help My Love better. I want to be a better friend. I just want to be a better version of myself. Sometimes I feel exhausted and feel so stretched thin. And then a customer at work will come in and say,"Yes, I am tired too. I'm a full-time medical student and mother and I work." And I'll feel so guilty because I get tired over working 7 hours a day and cleaning a house in exchange for rent and... hanging out with my boyfriend? Do I even have the right to say I'm tired? I know I shouldn't compare myself. All our lives are different and God calls us to different things. 

God, today I need the hope that is You. 

That you do have a future and hope for me.

That You will see me through all the days of my life.

That not just some things, but ALL things are possible because You 

love us.

Amen.

I am

Olli

in which: i can't make myself

I am getting to know my Father in a whole new light recently.

He is a force through which miracles are not only possible ~ but are HAPPENING.

I'm learning how to pray, how to seek first His kingdom, how to act on the faith He instills in me.

I had no idea what that looked like a few days ago. "Ok, 'seek first the kingdom' - NOW WHAT??"

Some things really are as simple as asking though. I realize now how often I sit and wonder and dwell on how to do something, over analyze it, stress about it, worry over it until... it's just easier to forget about it. 

Change is hard. "The Kingdom" sounds scary sometimes... so foreign. Sometimes I wish for the ignorance of a child; my conscience would feel so much better if I just didn't know about certain things. And yet, the books in bag this moment are about starving children in Africa and another on discovering a a life not under or even for God - but WITH God. 

I can't make myself close my eyes.

I can't rewrite a different upbringing.

I can't erase the terrible mistakes I've made.

But I can say, "What do you have for us today, Papa?"

I can pray for the lonely and hurting and fatherless. 

I can lay hands on the sick.

And the thing is, I don't have to be good at it for to matter!

What I can accomplish was never the point, but my merely making myself available ~ THAT is where miracles are born. I am an ordinary, white and westernized human being. I grew up in a household with a screaming father and fearful mother. I have "been in love" way too many times for it to be true, never make time for exercise and cuss a lot. I'm not that different than a lot of girls I know. 

God doesn't require for anything about us to be perfect, unique or clean.

By saying, "Here I am. Show me how. Show me where. I am willing. I will go." Within the heart of man and the love of God is where the world changes. 

God: such a funny, wild, relentless and wondrous lover. 

 Perhaps what has been reawakened in me lately is something I knew as a child...

I forgot... He was my friend. 

(this movie changed my life)

I am

Olivia

in which: it's something sweet

Our first Christmas together.

It's an interesting thing to feel so good about a person for "so long".

It hasn't been long at all, really. One year and it's flown by.

~

Tonight Peanut drove me home after church. Nothing fancy or out of the norm.

Quite mundane, you could even describe it.

But constant are these displays of his affection, his strength, his devotion. 

The simplest event is an adventure; the smallest gift a treasure.

HE LOVES ME.

Even now... it's a gift to realize it.

This love we share...

it's something sweet.

I know no other way to explain it.

I am

Olli

in which: love is

I am

Olli