"What should I do about the wild and the tame? The wild heart that wants to be free, the tame heart that wants to come home. I want to be held. I don't want you to come too close. I want you to scoop me up and bring me home at nights. I don't want to tell you where I am. I want to keep a place among the rocks where no one can find me. I want to be with you."
I am getting to know my Father in a whole new light recently.
He is a force through which miracles are not only possible ~ but are HAPPENING.
I'm learning how to pray, how to seek first His kingdom, how to act on the faith He instills in me.
I had no idea what that looked like a few days ago. "Ok, 'seek first the kingdom' - NOW WHAT??"
Some things really are as simple as asking though. I realize now how often I sit and wonder and dwell on how to do something, over analyze it, stress about it, worry over it until... it's just easier to forget about it.
Change is hard. "The Kingdom" sounds scary sometimes... so foreign. Sometimes I wish for the ignorance of a child; my conscience would feel so much better if I just didn't know about certain things. And yet, the books in bag this moment are about starving children in Africa and another on discovering a a life not under or even for God - but WITH God.
I can't make myself close my eyes.
I can't rewrite a different upbringing.
I can't erase the terrible mistakes I've made.
But I can say, "What do you have for us today, Papa?"
I can pray for the lonely and hurting and fatherless.
I can lay hands on the sick.
And the thing is, I don't have to be good at it for to matter!
What I can accomplish was never the point, but my merely making myself available ~ THAT is where miracles are born. I am an ordinary, white and westernized human being. I grew up in a household with a screaming father and fearful mother. I have "been in love" way too many times for it to be true, never make time for exercise and cuss a lot. I'm not that different than a lot of girls I know.
God doesn't require for anything about us to be perfect, unique or clean.
By saying, "Here I am. Show me how. Show me where. I am willing. I will go." Within the heart of man and the love of God is where the world changes.
God: such a funny, wild, relentless and wondrous lover.
Perhaps what has been reawakened in me lately is something I knew as a child...
Forgive me dear friends! I have neglected you too long. The Christmas season is in full swing and if I'm not working, I'm either shopping for gifts or cleaning. I must say that the shopping feels a little easier this year and I think I have Pinterest to thank. Also, I'm trying to do more handmade gifts as well. Yay!
I've a candlestick burning a pair of cozy, striped socks on finally. A cold front blew in last night and I am oh so thankful. About time Texas!! I'm hoping it lasts through till Christmas. Usually "Winter" occurs about the time of New Years and through January. Sure wish we had snow though...
~
Thanksgiving with the Etheredges (babe's family) was so fun! Black Friday was my favorite part. Yes there was shopping, but mostly for the fun time I spent with Vanessa & Hannah, Peanut's sisters. Lots of laughing, hunting & coffee. We literally shopped for like 12 hours. Vanessa & I spent 3 hours at World Market alone! We also got to see some precious friends, like Shaffer, Travis, Jim & his daughters.
I love the people in Mobile.
~
As far getting to see AW during our stop in Houston... well, once again, it just didn't work out. Waa! She was planning on leaving that weekend to go be with her family in Pasadena for Thanksgiving. But as we were driving there, she had to leave rather suddenly for Pasadena rightthen. We were sad. But the letters continue and our friendship remains strong. Oh how I would love to see her though!
~
As for Christmas, it looks like I shall be spending it here between the A's and my grandparents. Perhaps even the Hernandez's. Peanutty will be driving back to Bama... is it terrible that it makes me a tiny bit happy he'll be sad without me? I may even be able to fit in a letter while he's away! I so love writing to him :)
~
Well, it's off to dreamland for me. Need to be up early for coffee with Renata. PLUS - the date is 12/12/12! So many people are going to get married today. This day will never happen again... but then I guess everyday is like that.
~
GOD, YOU ARE SO GOOD TO US!! WE LOVE YOU & PRAISE YOU FOR THE WORK ARE DOING IN US, FOR THE LIFE YOU GAVE FOR US & FOR THE REMINDER OF ALL WE'VE BEEN GIVEN... YOU ARE PRECIOUS & HOLY & LOVED. THANK YOU THAT WE ARE THAT IMAGE TO YOU AS WELL. MAY YOUR JOY ABOUND IN THIS SEASON & THROUGH ALL SEASONS!! HELP US TO SEE BEYOND OURSELVES & OUR OWN DESIRES. SHOW US HOW TO SEEK FIRST YOUR KINGDOM IN ALL WE DO, THROUGHOUT THE DAYS OF OUR LIVES. WE LOVE YOU, ABBA.
So much to do before we leave town for Thanksgiving. Headed back to Alabama, this time just my love and I. Tomorrow we will head out after work and spend the night in Houston~ where I (mostly) grew up! Alicia Conn (a new friend) has graciously opened her home up to us as well as her boyfriend Matt's.
I'm hoping we will get to spend some time either downtown or in The Woodlands. Perhaps even Magnolia? Magnolia is where I lived before moving to Cali. Speaking of Magnolia... I will also get to see my love Ashley Ward!!! AW and I have written letters back & forth for a couple years. She is from Pasadena, TX and our churches (at the time) joined forces for a mission trip one summer. We didn't become friends then, but I did meet her, and the reason I remember that is because she & I snuck back into the girl's dorm during fellowship, broke open glow sticks and slung the neon liquid from floor to ceiling. The idea was that once the girls in that room went to bed and turned out the lights ~ the whole room would be aglow! It didn't work very well, but oh how exhilarating it was! My friend Colton had put some of the girls up to the prank and we were the only volunteers. A year or so later we began a friendship over Facebook and shortly after started writing each other and well... here we are now. Somewhere along the road she moved to Magnolia and began going to my old church. It's fun knowing the same people and places but at different times in each of our lives. Seeing each other had proved difficult and every time one of us makes plans things just never seem to pan out. Tomorrow, however, will be the first time we meet as friends. It's been years and I'm so excited for this opportunity!!! FINALLY!!
The Powell wedding was probably the best I have been to yet. So many crazy and amazing people - so many FRIENDS! These people are my family. Each day was fun, full of growth and relaxing. Beautiful, does not begin to cover the ceremony, and Amy walked down the aisle to a classical piece from Pride and Prejudice (2005 version) that was absolutely perfect. She was like an angel. Her brothers walked her down and when asked who was to give her away, they both heartily consented,
"We do."
>>>>><<<<<
The inside jokes and fun memories are too numerous to count.
All I know is this weekend has become one of my favorites.
Sebastian introducing Renata (my BFF & neighbor/his sister) to the game he invented:
BEEF SLAP!
Almost a week in and things are not going well my friends.
Peanut and I are leaving Wednesday for Corey & Amy's wedding and there is SO. MUCH. TO. DO.
I need Ohana worked on, I need to buy gifts, I need to help Dorothy pack a little, I need to do laundry, I need to frickin pack MYSELF, I want to have dinner with my grandparents and need to do all this in between work.
Oh yeah.
AND I NEED TO WRITE A BOOK!! 1700+ WORDS A DAY!!!!
I still have hope that I can get most of the way through this month. I don't plan on winning at this point, but some progress is better than having done nothing at all.
~
Another thing is that Peepaw (my grandpa) was in the hospital all last week. He suffered a minor stroke and although he and Meemo (grandma) are back home now, he is still recovering. So I have been much concerned over that. Also, I have a house to clean - part of my living arrangement here.
End of Day 1. I wrote a handful of words down and they were only book ideas - not even part of the book! I definitely feel behind and a tad overwhelmed - but I will catch up! I will do my best anyway. Peanut keeps telling me, "Babe relax! You're supposed to be having fun!" I almost wish I could just take a hiatus from my social life outside of work. ALMOST. We all know I wouldn't be able to stand that for very long.
Today I worked, spent blessed time with Beth and friends and then had coffee with Anna - Beth's "caretaker" and companion for this month. She's great :) But the rehab center is also a good drive from home, so for now all I have time for is brushing them teeth and getting to bed. Work will come early tomorrow. Unfortunately it won't be writing work.
I wish I could just hole up in this little nook for a few days.
Don't you?
Today is Day 1 and I just got through reading all this material on how I should have been planning and plotting weeks before Day 1 buuuuut... THAT DIDN'T HAPPEN.
Other than a few photos for Corey & Amy's wedding and Thanksgiving - I will mainly be keeping up with NaNoWriMo for the month of November. It is Novel Writing Month after all - although I will technically be considered a NaNoRebel, as I am not writing a Novel.
My apologies for not being around the majority of October. There has been lots going on regarding work, Beth (who is doing GREAT by the way) and just everyday life. I will really try my hardest to update every week, since I apparently need to try and bash out 1600+ words a freaking DAY!
This is sounding harder and harder. I have to come up with 50,000 words by the end of the month!
Right now I'm also working on trying to find "writing buddies" whether it be via online or in my area. I'm not too keen on meeting those in person who I have found on the internet, but there are friends of friends who I wouldn't mind doing so.
~
Yesterday was Halloween. It was my first year not to dress up. Meh. Next year! Peanut took us out to a pumpkin patch that was so sad looking, especially since he'd so pumped about it!
Here is evidence:
A forlorn pumpkin remains just behind him - LOL!
We had a good laugh about it - although I pretended to be very upset since he'd basically dragged me there! I had so many other things I needed to tend to that it seemed pointless to go since he was only going for me. We had a fun night though. Talking about NaNoWriMo (of course), taking pumpkin photos, stealing candy while Dori handed it out to the neighborhood trick-or-treaters, watching New Girl and finally, I watched The Vow and ate Spamoni (my favorite ice cream) with Dori :) There was even a harvest moon!
Tis been a grand Fall so far.
~
Well, I must be off to bed. It's almost 2am... oy vay. And I have work, and coffee with a friend and WRITING! Peanut is planning to join me on this venture... we'll see how he fairs ;)
It's been raining a LOT here lately and I love it. Peanut loves it too; reminds him of home (the Alabama gulf). He's at men's conference this weekend, so we haven't much of the other. Also... James is in town! (Ashley's husband) as well as other friends from Mobile and the like. Instead of meeting at the Hernandez's for church this weekend, we're meeting at a hotel downtown where the conference is being held. That will be tomorrow morning (aka) another early morning... I definitely see a nap penciling itself into tomorrow's plans.
Beth is doing so much better this week. It was diagnosed that her bowels, bladder & legs were the major things affected by paralysis. So far though, twice in the last week, 2 of those have been found to be HEALING and FUNCTIONING!! Her legs are still taking their time as they will need to, but I hear she getting fast in that wheelchair. It's such good news... God is so incredibly good. She has even made friends with several of the nurses and is affecting people all around her, where ever she goes.
So like Beth.
So like Father to turn a tragedy into an opportunity. A victory.
~
Feeling loads better myself. I got to the point where I thought I might have to go see a doctor again. 3 times in less than 6 months - a record for me! Amazingly though, God has blessed me by living with a nurse. When I told her I was thinking about going to see another doctor she said she had antibiotics that would help me. So we went into her room, sifted through different drawers until she pulled out a small bottle and SYRINGE. Ok, I may have freaked out a little (it has been YEARS since I've had any sort of vaccine). I squirmed around and flitted between her bedroom and the living room (where Peanut and the rest of the fam were), trying not to make my anxiety too apparent. I ended up consenting though, even after she told show a cheek (the injection had to be in the rear...) The last thing I yelled before it was "Please don't stab me!!"
So she stabbed me. All quite painless and over-with within a few seconds. Started taking antibiotic pills everyday after that and took my last one today.
Still truckin though. Drinking Emergen-C like it's going out of style & gettin better since Dori's been feeding me Advil. Grasping the hang of things at Whole Foods and have one week left at Hastings. Beth is doing better and starts her first big day of Physical Therapy today! Meals and childcare are being worked out and I'll be glad to have more time to contribute once I'm back to working one job again.
If you'd like to keep up with her progress, here is a link to the site Thomas (her husband/my pastor)is updating just about everyday:
I've been having strange dreams. Not scary, but frustrating. I think it's the fever and perhaps the Lord telling me something. Speaking of fever, I really need to go shower. Sweated through the night and now I'm all sticky! In other (more exciting) news,
Fall is (mostly) here!!
More pumpkins
More hawk sightings
More color
More FOOD!
God is so good. He turns all the bad into triumphant, glorious stories. I will get better, Fall will come, the worlds will keep turning, we will all keep breathing & Beth will walk again.
In short, my dear friend and neighbor, Beth, was in an accident and has been in the hospital since Wednesday. Between two jobs and trying to be as available as I can be for the H family... I feel kind of in a fog. My body needs rest and it only comes in short spurts. When they are longer, my mind races.
Lord please give me sleep. Give Beth sweet, sweet sleep.
I have done my best to keep it together since I first heard of the accident; allowing a few tears to escape in private moments every day. Last night though... last night was like a dam breaking. My love held me and encouraged me to just let go. So I sobbed for a bit in the front yard of Beth's home. When I managed to "get a grip", he reminded me of a poem Beth gave me not to long ago about crying... http://thesoundofpsithurism.blogspot.com/2012/03/in-which-poetry.html
I laughed for a moment, thinking how ironic it was that she should happen to give me something that would later help me to get through all this regarding her. Then I fell into heaving sobs again. And again. And then a little more.
Father give me the food I need to live through today.
Has it been a while or what?! Been so busy with my two jobs, moving in and sleep in between. Ah... sleep. So precious recently. Had orientation & register training for Whole Foods last week and let me tell ya...
IT. WAS. AWESOME!
I've never been a part of a company that was so FOR their customers. Some of their policies are just crazy their so cool. "This item isn't showing up in our system, no problem - it's on us! You have six of these you say? Great - their still free!" There's such an enthusiasm for people, our community and environment & loving what you do. And they value us (the employees) just as much as their customers. They kept reiterating that we were the cream of the crop and how important we were to this mission. 700+ people applied to this store; 400 got interviews and 168 were hired.
I feel so blessed.
Great discount, awesome food, free outdoor concerts, supporting local farms, supporting people in other countries and in my community... what more could a country girl ask for?
I feel my time at the book store may be coming to an end...
I am
Olli
{ps}
Finished Barnheart today. Been a while since I completed a book... felt great :)
Took Bill & Dorothy to the airport, picked up milk at Walmart, then came home.
My new home.
Yes, I miss the old one too. My room and the lush front garden and the secret room and the view from the hilltop at night. But here I have gained a new family that I loved before I even lived here. I feel so blessed.
I won't be able to settle in just yet though; this evening Peanut, Lois & I will be driving up to Camp Buckner for our church's annual Family Camp. Ugh... I'm so tired of packing! We'll be gone until Monday and then immediately after I'll begin orientation and training for Whole Foods (my new PT job! Still at my current one too). This weekend Brian Emmet will be speaking which is really exciting because he is the pastor of the church Ashley & James go to in Boston! I think I may write a letter to send off with him :)
Decided to clean up the ole blog. Too many colors (looks good in my room; too busy on a website) and too much going on in the margins. For now, I've given up on the Book Challenge I gave myself years ago (refer to my old blog for details). I decided that I want to read because I love books and stories, not because of some pressure to get through a list or so that people will be impressed. I'm over the silliness of it. Also, I think I was putting a little too much focus on the appearance of this whole thing, rather than the content.
Anyway, today I'm moving to a new home. I'm off to live with my good friends Buck & Dori! This Summer I have been on a mission to find an apartment. It began with looking with Alycia, to looking with her & Rin & Sam. Anyway, personally, it went from fun to frustrating to... nervous? I was still on board even with my uneasiness and concerns. I told God that my life was in His hands and that until He made it obvious that He had other plans for me, I was committed to these girls.
So a couple of weeks ago, I went to have dinner at the A's house (Buck & Dori's). We were in the living room watching Storage Wars (a favorite of Buck's... not of mine lol) and they were asking how the the search was going. I've kept them updated throughout the Summer and continually things kept changing or decisions were being made for me. And I wasn't unhappy with things, just nervous about the insecurity of them. So by the end of the night, Dori took me aside, giddy with the news, and said she and Buck had discussed it and wanted to extend me the offer of coming to live with them! I of course said YES and felt it was answer my from God. He made it clear.
RARELY ON TIME, BUT NEVER TOO LATE!!
So although I have virtually nothing packed, today I will move as much as I can and perhaps by tonight I will rest my head in a new place, with a new family... in a new chapter for Olli Odom.
Rereading and reflecting on Blue Like Jazz this morning. I don't think I will ever grow tired of the contents within this book...
Earlier this week, we received 4 copies of the film on DVD & Blu-Ray at work; and I was sweeping up after we closed last night, a smile crept across my face as I looked up to find that all were checked out.
Don talks about his friends Andrew the Protester and how he doesn't believe in empty passion; that what you DO signifies what you believe, not what you say.
Jesus said to feed the poor. Andrew understands this as we should go and directly feed the poor ourselves. So every Sunday, Andrew sets up a make shift kitchen on a sidewalk and makes breakfast for the homeless. He sits and talks with them and if they want to pray, he prays with them.
This is beautiful.
"Andrew would say that dying for something is easy because it is associated with glory. Living for something, Andrew would say, is the hard thing. Living for something extends beyond fashion, glory or recognition. We live for what we believe, Andrew would say."
-Blue Like Jazz
Nope... not a Turn It Up Tuesday. But I am digging these guys so much I can't help myself. Just bought the album (though I've been listening to them for months). Burning a copy for Ohana (my car) & I to jam out to on our travels. Do yourself a favor world... go have a listen. Your ears will thank you!
Also, thank you to babe for introducing me to them!
Well, the answer to previous question ended up being no kitten after all. The day I was going to go buy him, I found out that Alycia & I weren't getting the apartment we wanted (they had jacked the price up $60 a mo. just as went to sign). BUT, that same day Alycia informed me of a friend of hers that was looking for roommates. And then there were three :) As the Lord would have it though, she has many allergies - one being cats. So that was that, I got my answer. But I am so much happier to have Rin (new girl) and a better apartment in exchange!
Rin
So we found another place and find out today if we get approved or not for it. It's a 2bed/2bath in a really nice complex but definitely a higher price. Which is why Alycia found Sam - our newest future roomie.
Sam
And then there were FOUR! Olli, Alycia, Rin & Sam.
Rin also discovered a great condo that I would be psyched to do if we don't get approved for this apt.
Weighing the cost of a cat per month. About to sign an apartment lease and though most of the bigger things have already been supplied, I also need to consider other things the apt will need as far cleaning supplies, kitchen supplies and the like. Will a kitten be voluntarily throwing a bit of financial chaos in the mix? At least in the beginning. I don't know what to do!!! He's precious. His personality, coloring and name even all seem so perfect. Ever since I was a tike I've wanted a gray tabby cat - specifically after I read Socks by Beverly Cleary.
Anyway, seeking Father about it and going to call the apartment complex once they open to find out what their pet policies are. PRAY WITH ME!!
Two pen pals. Both Ashleys. One just moved to Boston, as you might recall, and the other I've met one time YEARS ago on a mission trip. We bonded over the internet... so cheesy... but happy am I to have her!
Ashley W. and have been corresponding for probably almost 2 years, and Ashley P.... well, this is my first letter to her. The first of many! Lord, thank you for little joys like receiving a letter.
Peanut, myself & some friends of ours went and watched Wes Anderson's new flick tonight: Moonrise Kingdom. Definitely one of my new favorites of his... although The Life Aquatic will always up there. Too tired to write and too much to tell. Three things I can say... GOOD MOVIE. The music was quite, QUITE good (I'll be purchasing the soundtrack shortly). And I want a pair of binoculars.
Feels so good to sink back into this luscious bed again. It's been along month of house & pet-sitting. And it's not over yet! I'll be off to pet-sit for my good friend Lisa on the 11th for a few days. For now though, I'm enjoying the break - and today being my day off doesn't hurt either.
This last week I sat for my good friends Buck & Dori Adkison, whom I go to church with. They were off in sunshiney California while I stayed to care for their cat & dog (the Muppets, as I've taken to calling them).
Zion
&
Checkers
Zion is a crazy spunky little Shih-Tzu who loves his walks and licking Bucks toes at the end of the day (ew). Checkers is a fat, sweet old girl who will cry relentlessly until her dish is filled but loves being scratched on her back & belly. They're a fun pair :)
I picked up the fam (Buck, Dori, Chris-16 & Jamie-13) Sunday night at 12:30am - drove Buck's monster diesel truck all the way to the airport. We were all exhausted the next morning but I was greeted with coffee and a warm Dori hug (the best) and later we watched an episode of the awesome show, An Idiot Abroad.
And check out the critters Dori got me!! They are mosaic and beautiful and perfect. She said they had other frogs sitting in various positions but then she saw this one with the crazy leg stickin out and thought, "Yep, there's Olli!" She also gave me this killer satchel bag that I've been using all day. I feel so spoiled!
And to top it off, we finally got some rain last night. Some real, crashing thunder, lightening show rain.
Well, the Leal's have been off in New Hampshire and it's been me and Shaun for the last three weeks. Watering the lawn, drinkin the good juice (coffee), and about to settle into a good movie with my love.
:)
Shaun... in usual form.
~
Took Shaun to Pet Barn and got him some treats. He picked his own of course, including carrying a rawhide to the cashier! The funnest part was seeing his watch the fish. His head darted back and forth and he kept pawing at the glass... so cute.
~
I also made a trip to the Library up the road. It's HUGE! And beautiful. Pretty remarkable actually for being in such a small town. I was looking for a book my old BSF group is going to start reading together, seeing as we still want to keep in touch over the summer. And naturally, while I was there, I happened upon a book I'd seen before called The Dirty Life: On Farming, Food and Love by Kristin Kimball. I read the prologue and bit of the first chapter and it took me almost an hour before I could tear my eyes away. However, there was an elderly black woman sitting a row over that had the unfortunate (and annoying) habit of smacking her gums periodically. It took me a minute to figure out where the noise was coming from at first but once I figured it out... lord have mercy. IT WAS THE ONLY THING I COULD FOCUS ON. I literally found myself anticipating the next smack and then wincing when it came.
Aye.
Eventually I realized that she'd stopped. Thank goodness. I picked up my phone to see what time it was and then glanced up at the woman again. There she was rifling through her purse when what should appear in her hand? A MINT. I think I literally whispered,"Oh hell no...", slammed my book shut and made a beeline for the front desk to check out. No more smacking for these ears!
So I decided to
work another day at the cafe yesterday (a day over my two weeks notice).
I thought about blowing them off, but I felt like God wanted me to humble myself
and just help them out. So I did.
Anyway, we have
several regulars that come through the drive-thru every morning. One of them is
Jennifer and her two little boys (aka) two large mocha frappes, one with whip,
one without, both with chocolate drizzle. I don't even take her order anymore. Once
I hear her kids through the ear piece I just say,"Morning Jen! Pull
around!" so we have a little longer to chat at the window. Her husband
also comes sometimes on his way to work and overall they've always seemed like
a really sweet family. I've even wished I had an excuse to get to know them
better, but we're usually too busy for me to really think of anything.
SO! Yesterday, Jen and the boys stop by and she updates me on how her move is going (they are
switching to a new house in their neighborhood). So I asked her where she lives
and where should that be but... the
neighborhood just across from where I go to church. "Oh wow, I go to church over
there", I tell her. And this is very interesting to her because of course,
they've been looking for a church...
I invited she and her family to stop by sometime and we switched information. And maybe nothing
will come of this or maybe something grand will but overall I felt so freaking
good about it! Here I was thinking that me working here was just a mistake and
obviously wasn't the Lord... but what a blind fool I have been... And here I wasn't even supposed to work yesterday!
I've never been
more excited to be wrong.
I want to know what you ache for and if you dare to dream of meeting your heart's longing.
It doesn't interest me how old you are I want to know if you will risk looking like a fool for love for your dreams for the adventure of being alive.
It doesn't interest me what planets are squaring your moon... I want to know if you have touched the center of your own sorrow if you have been opened by life's betrayals or have become shrivelled and closed from fear of further pain.
I want to know if you can sit with pain mine or your own without moving to hide it or fade it or fix it.
I want to know if you can be with joy mine or your own if you can dance with wildness and let the ecstasy fill you to the tips of your fingers and toes without cautioning us to be careful be realistic to remember the limitations of being human.
It doesn't interest me if the story you are telling me is true. I want to know if you can disappoint another to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy.
I want to
know if you can see Beauty
even when it
is not pretty
every day.
And if you
can source your own life
from its
presence.
I want to
know if you can live with failure
yours and
mine
and still
stand on the edge of the lake
and shout to
the silver of the full moon,
"Yes."
It doesn't
interest me
to know where
you live or how much money you have.
