in which: i can't make myself

I am getting to know my Father in a whole new light recently.

He is a force through which miracles are not only possible ~ but are HAPPENING.

I'm learning how to pray, how to seek first His kingdom, how to act on the faith He instills in me.

I had no idea what that looked like a few days ago. "Ok, 'seek first the kingdom' - NOW WHAT??"

Some things really are as simple as asking though. I realize now how often I sit and wonder and dwell on how to do something, over analyze it, stress about it, worry over it until... it's just easier to forget about it. 

Change is hard. "The Kingdom" sounds scary sometimes... so foreign. Sometimes I wish for the ignorance of a child; my conscience would feel so much better if I just didn't know about certain things. And yet, the books in bag this moment are about starving children in Africa and another on discovering a a life not under or even for God - but WITH God. 

I can't make myself close my eyes.

I can't rewrite a different upbringing.

I can't erase the terrible mistakes I've made.

But I can say, "What do you have for us today, Papa?"

I can pray for the lonely and hurting and fatherless. 

I can lay hands on the sick.

And the thing is, I don't have to be good at it for to matter!

What I can accomplish was never the point, but my merely making myself available ~ THAT is where miracles are born. I am an ordinary, white and westernized human being. I grew up in a household with a screaming father and fearful mother. I have "been in love" way too many times for it to be true, never make time for exercise and cuss a lot. I'm not that different than a lot of girls I know. 

God doesn't require for anything about us to be perfect, unique or clean.

By saying, "Here I am. Show me how. Show me where. I am willing. I will go." Within the heart of man and the love of God is where the world changes. 

God: such a funny, wild, relentless and wondrous lover. 

 Perhaps what has been reawakened in me lately is something I knew as a child...

I forgot... He was my friend. 

(this movie changed my life)

I am

Olivia