in which: it's true

"There are two spiritual dangers in not owning a farm.

One is supposing that breakfast comes from the 

grocery, and the other that heat comes from the furnace."

Aldo Leopold

in which: every day...

I dream a little bit about living in a place like this.

Mountains, fields of flowers, log cabin, animals, a wonderful husband, curious children... and the air.

Oh that sweet & playful, cool, wide open AIR.

Just another fingerprint of my Papa.

Like his breath on my face.

It excites me to witness the road he is taking us on that will lead to our dreams. Such an adventure. Of course, I can be quite impatient at times. What a comfort though, it has been to realize that his love and grace are big enough to cover my imperfection. It's silly how we are constantly trying to cover up our humaness. Brokeness. When this was how he made us. The new book I started is called Beautiful Outlaw by John Eldredege. In it, he talks a lot about the intimacy Jesus desires (and always desired) with us. How we are his friends. His family. How praying unto him with names such as "Oh Holy Anointed One of Hosts", "God Almighty on High", and all that jazz - it only distances his image from our minds. You wouldn't walk up to your husband and be like, "Hello Gracious Leader of our Household" or to a friend and say, "Greetings Faithful Brethren whom I love". And not to take away from the truth in these statements, as the intention behind them is good, but... how weird would that be? If he is our father, why not call him Dad? Papa? Abba? FRIEND, even. For those waiting to meet their earthly bride & grooms, you could even go as far as calling him Sweetheart, My Love, Lovely. Admittedly, I'm not sure that I'm even ready to make that leap (into terms of endearment), but you get what I'm saying. My love was the one who told me about the book, but I suggest you look it up too. We could all learn a lot.

~

And my point in all this is, I trust the one I am with. I trust Matthew. I trust my friends. Of everyone I know, why would I not trust Papa the most? That he surely knows what he's doing by now. That he has lead thousands before me and will lead thousands after me. That all I have do is trust him with today.

In the words he spoke to my love on that car ride home one night,

"These times are precious too."

I am

Olli

in which: i am encouraged

Photo by Shreve Stockton

I'm having a dreamer's kind of day. Especially considering I've been inside most of the day (although it's gorgeous out there). But somebody's gotta get this Spring cleaning done!

I feel like all I've read in the last month has had to do with gardening, farming, traveling. I'm reading Barnheart by Jenna Woginrich right now (I've mentioned her before - "Dreamer's Disease") and it is such a beautifully detailed memoir. In the first couple of chapters she recounts her move to Vermont and the time spent trying to find an ample location that would allow her to carry out some of the skills she'd acquired over the last year in homesteading - gardening, farming, raising livestock and the like. Finally, she finds a small rural home for rent on a few acres and although the land has not been cultivated or worked on in what looks like years, the possibilities seem endless and her excitement boundless.

"My eyes scanned the property, my mind gathering ideas. The open area around the cabin seemed to be about an acre, maybe slightly more. The clearing was surrounded by a windbreak of trees. I could hear the rushing of the cold creek that circled the property line. There was rat's nest of field fencing behind the shed, possibly used to hold leaves for composting at the edge of the woods. A few cinder blocks were stacked by an old woodpile. I could already imagine a hive of bees swarming there, happily buzzing, their legs heavy with yellow pollen. I sharply inhaled a lungful of cold air, and Jazz (my dog) looked up at me as if something were wrong. "Good Christ..." I realized aloud, "this place is going to change everything."  Barnheart - Jenna Woginrich

Oh, how I long for this.
I remember begging my parents if we could live on a place with property. Just an acre even. Could we have chickens? A chicken?? A donkey? Something?! I would tape sheets of copy paper together, making a giant poster of sorts, and draw a small country home with a barn and chickens and a garden, a donkey, a big brown pig, dogs, cats, you name it! I went through a phase of only shopping at Western Wear stores. I wore my Mom's boots and bought men's flannel shirts from Goodwill, took riding lessons from a neighbor's daughter who had not one but three horses and borrowed all her Phantom Stallion books. Every time I'd ask my Dad for any of these things he'd get excited with me and always answer with an emphatic,"YES!" or "Of course we can!" Eventually though it became apparent that none of these promises were going to come true. I became frustrated over his empty promises and bitterly wished he would just tell me NO verses filling my heart with false hope. "Maybe when you get married you can do all these things", my mother would say. "Married?! That won't be for forever! Like in 30 YEARS!" I'd exclaim, exasperated by the thought of it.

But you know, things have changed. And I guess it didn't take 30 years to meet someone after all (hehe). God is moving. He's changing our perspective and giving us new hope everyday. Many of my dreams are the same, I still want a donkey. I want a family. I want to learn how to make the most out of the land my God has created, the passions he's instilled in me. It puts a smile on my face to think of Him, before I was born, in the psalm of His hand, excitedly and carefully putting me together. Getting creative: "Let's give her... green eyes! And an acute sense of hearing. She'll love to sing and have this bothersome interest in handling powerful birds. Also, an intense compassion for others and a needy desire for wanting to be held a lot. And tomatoes, she'll love tomatoes." Maybe it didn't go quite like that. But I have fun thinking that it might have gone something akin to it. For now, it's back to vacuuming.

And daydreaming.

Photo by Cassoday Harder

I am

Olli

in which: i've a dreamer's disease

Found an awesome book at the feedstore this morning (goin on the wish list!) called, Made From Scratch by Jenna Woginrich. On the back it gave me the address to her blog as well as informed me of her contributions to the Huffington Post. Cold Antler Farm... has quickly made my top ten blogs list. A new favorite author, to say the least.

And this?? Pretty much sums up my life-long dream...
Barnheart: Yearning to be a Farmer

I am
Olli